


Guaranteed to Shut You Up

by orangemelon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eren Is a Tease, Eren looks young, Levi Is In Denial, M/M, Mute!Eren, but he is not, lol, so Levi thinks he is a pedophille
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-21 02:04:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6033975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangemelon/pseuds/orangemelon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Levi hates people who talk too much. Eren is mute. Therefore they are a match." - Hange</p>
<p>Eren and Levi met under the weirdest circumstances. Being an art thief and a detective is definitely not the best introduction to a relationship, but mama Hange said "look at all the fucks I give." There is a disillusional parent, a bunch of busybodies, an infuriating couple, oh and throw in the other characters that ship Levi/Eren and we will have the greatest love story ever!<br/>...<br/>After Romeo and Juliet... and Pride and Prejudice... and Titanic... and... (too many to name)<br/>-_-<br/>Oh damn, but it's still a better love story than Twilight. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The luckiest man on the planet

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to their respective owners.  
> The plot is mine.  
> I am a panda.
> 
> Notes:  
>  _Personal Thoughts in first person narrative, or what Eren is thinking of._  
>  ~Eren writing stuff.~  
> “Various people speaking.”  
> (Author's notes, or whatever I want to write)

Alright! Some things to note first:

1) This is my first fic here on AO3, so if there is anything wrong with the formatting etc, well, I'll do my best. xD

2) This is my weird attempt at humor, it may be funny or childish to different people so... The only way I can improve is if someone gives me a review. *hint*

3) English is not my first language. If you do spot any grammatical error or spelling mistakes, the fault is all mine. This story is unbeta-ed.

4) I am not the biggest fan of AOT. I watched the anime and read some of the manga, but the characters will be OOC and some plots will never happen. Lol. 

5) This is also my attempt to focus on writing. I need to write a bunch of analysis/reflection/report blah blah this semester and I need to start writing SOMETHING or I will leave everything to the last minute and die.

6) Uh... I was listening to Criminal by Britney and I thought it would be funny to make Levi fall in love with a criminal, so I sort of made Eren one. However, the mute but not really mute part was kinda influenced by some novel I read a long time ago.

7) I suck at writing sex scenes. I can attempt to imitate other's work (no plagiarism of course) but if you guys don't want it, I will be fine too. You can tell me through reviews. *hint**hint*

8) I love songs so I will try to include songs in this fic. Though it may not all be in English.

9) I'll add more tags along the way when I think of them. 

10) Penguins are awesome!

Ok that is all for now. :)

 

 

 

Chapter 1: The luckiest man on the planet

Eren truly believes that he is the luckiest man alive. Please note the sarcasm. From a young age, he has been told to shut the fuck up and look pretty. Any sounds of protest not only fall on deaf ears, it also guarantees a harsh whipping from his loving father. Eren has been conditioned since he was little to remain silent regardless of the situation. It has now become second nature to Eren. He no longer speaks and many believes him to be a mute.

Eren has been told by his father that the only reason he is still in the house is due to his resemblance to his mother. The lovely Carla Yeager died tragically in premature childbirth as a result of a traffic accident.

 _Fuck the doctor who told Grisha that mom would have survived the accident if not for the fact that she was heavily pregnant with me. Damn asshole thinks that I caused my mom’s death._ Eren cursed at the fact that some idiot actually had the nerve to even talk about the probability of death AFTER she died.

 _That hatred probably began even before I was conceived, after all, Grisha never wanted another child._ Eren thought of Mikasa, his adopted sister. Mikasa was adopted by the Yeager couple when she was about 6 months old. Carla thought she would never be able to have a child of her own and had persuaded Grisha into adopting Mikasa. It was when Mikasa was around 5 years old that Carla found out she was unexpectedly pregnant with Eren. Grisha did not approve of the pregnancy, but staring at the tears of joy on Carla’s face as she told him of the news, he could not bear to disappoint her.

Mikasa was the stellar example of the perfect child. She always did what she was told to do and never spoke out of turn. As such, she gave Grisha no reason to ever hit her as she hit all his expectations. The only problem with her was that she was a tad bit too protective of her brother. Whenever Eren was to be punished, Mikasa always tried to help him. From offering to take his whippings to administering his wounds, she was always there beside him.

A loud click brought Eren out of his musings. The reason why he believed he was the luckiest person alive is that today, of all days, he is going to die. The plan had been extremely simple. Armin was to hack into the security system and disable all the cameras and alarms so that Eren can go in to steal the art piece. In and then out, 5 minutes tops. He even rehearsed it in his room and memorised the blueprint of the gallery 15 times.

This mission was slightly different from other heists he executed over the years. 1) Mikasa, his partner in crime, was ill from a severe allergy to something she ate. She could barely walk, much less participate in such a highly coveted operation. They usually enter the building together, one as a look out and the other committing the actual crime. It took Eren hours, HOURS, to convince Mikasa that he would be fine on his own. 2) The art piece he was going to steal today is the last in a series created by his late mother. Carla Yeager was an extremely talent artist known for her landscape paintings. It took her months to complete each piece and nearly broke her heart to sell them. The economy had taken a downturn and the Yeagers had to sell everything to survive, especially with a child. When the news spread that Carla was dead, her paintings shot up in prices. Grisha, in an attempt to preserve his wife’s memory could not even afford to pay for the frame, much less the actual art. It was then that he took on his pseudonym and became: THE GRIM! (in caps and with the exclamation point) It was in his own fucked up way to commemorate and have a piece of her. He is known internationally and is wanted across many countries and states. Along the way, he stole a couple of other known artists’ work, not to keep them, but to sell them to the black market to fund his operation.

However, his main focus has always been on Carla’s art pieces. And this brings us to point number 3) The art piece is the last, ABSOLUTELY LAST piece of painting his mother ever sold. It not only complete the collection of the series, but will finally release the trio (Eren, Mikasa and Armin, duh… Henceforth they shall be known as… the trio!) from their days as art thieves.

 _Speaking about Armin…_ _Shit! What do I do? He is out in the van, waiting for me!_ Eren wanted to bang his head against the wall. _How many minutes has it been? 10? 20?_ The sound of footsteps echoed loudly in the deserted room. The scrape of boots against the smooth concrete sound too close for comfort. Eren hunched to appear even smaller than he really is. The footsteps were right in front of the cabinet that he was hiding in when the it stopped.

_SHIT! Don’t panic, breathe in, and breathe out. One, two, three. He/She doesn’t know you are here…_

_How could this happen to me~_ ♪

 _I’ve made my mistakes~_ ♫

 _Got nowhere to run~_ ♪

 _The night goes on as I’m fading away~_ ♫

 _I’m sick of this life~_ ♪

 _I just wanna scream ~_ ♫

 _How could this happen to me~_ ♪

_…_

_FUCK! NO SINGING! No. Nononono._

A sudden kick out of nowhere made Eren jump. The loud clang echoed around the room and since Eren was inside the cabinet, he heard the worst of it. If not for years of silent training, Eren probably would have ran out of the room screaming in terror. Right now, Eren was biting his bottom lip and trying to be as silent as possible.

“I know you are in there, come out before I kick this door open and drag you out, you degenerate imbecile.” A cool masculine voice, slightly muffled by the cabinet door sounded out.

 _So it’s a guy…_ Eren shook his head furiously. It doesn’t matter if it was a guy, as long as he keep quiet and not move, maybe, just maybe, the mysterious stranger will leave. The silence was stifling. Eren was momentarily glad that he was not claustrophobic. He probably wouldn’t survive the numerous times his father shut him in his wardrobe at home.

“Alright, I warned you.” The voice sounded out again. Eren was distracted by the voice. It sounded smooth and deep, like a dark cocoa drink in the middle of winter. _I’m hungry, I haven’t ate since lunch as I was too busy preparing for this operation. It is almost… *gasp* 13 hours since I ate? WHAT THE FUCK! Oh wait I have a strawberry pudding in the fridge at -…_

GLANG!!!! (How are metal doors supposed to sound like? -_-)

The door was abruptly wrenched away from its hinges and a bright light was shone in his face. Eren had to cover his face to prevent his eyes from being blinded.

 _Hang on. Didn’t he say he was going to kick the door? What happened to kicking it?_ Eren looked up at the stranger and the first thing he saw were those deep blue ocean green eyes. _Is that even a colour? Oh my goodness, he is staring at me like I’m his meal. Noooooo. This is not how I envisioned myself to die. He will tear me apart. Then Grisha will cook my remnants. Damn. I just had to die on an empty stomach… Goodbye my precious strawberry pudding…_

Eren’s stomach decided to announce its presence at that moment and rumbled. It was so loud that it echoed around the room. Eren gave himself a mental face palm. The guy that was glaring at him hardened his stare and Eren could practically see the evil aura coming out from the man.

_I’m so fucked…_

 “Who the fuck are you?” The guy whispered. It was loud as if he had shouted it and the intensity of his stare made Eren’s knees tremble. Eren could only numbly look beyond the man’s shoulders. This man reminds him of Grisha, his presence is undeniable and takes your entire attention. _Despite how short he was._ Eren dare not make eye contact with him.

“I said who the fuck are YOU! Are you deaf, or are you mute because if you don’t answer me now, I’ll – “The man stopped in the middle of his rambling when Eren nodded his head. “Wait… You are deaf?” Eren shook his head and refrained from rolling his eyes. There are after all, deaf people who can read lips, but he wasn’t even staring at the strangers lips to discern what he was saying if he was really deaf. “So you are mute.” The man spoke. It was not a question, therefore Eren remained still.

“Why are you here?” At this question, Eren did roll his eyes. How was he supposed to answer him when he can’t even speak? The man seemed to realise this and took out a notepad. He then passed it to Eren. Eren stared dumbly at the man. “I don’t understand sign language.” He replied and glared at Eren. “What are you waiting for? Write who the fuck are you and why the fuck you are here.” Eren reached out to the man’s breast pocket to take the ball pen he spotted there. Before he could even reach it, his hand was slapped away. “What the shit you brat! How dare you touch me?”

 Eren winced and rubbed the back of his hand. It was slightly red from the slap and he pouted. Eren then mimicked writing on the pad and pointed to the pen. The man froze. “Oh! You needed a pen. You could have just asked! Where are your manners! Oh wait you are mute… Oh this is a pain in the ass.” The man passed his pen to Eren.

Eren scribbled away on the notepad, glancing at the man every now and then. ~My name is Francis Ebner and I am here because a friend of mine dared me to come to this place.~ Eren passed the notepad to the man and began looking more closely. Despite the low lighting from the torchlight, Eren could see that the man had a really angular and sharp face. _He’s actually quite handsome. Like a dark prince from some remote country. He needs lessons on vulgarities though, how many times does he intend to repeat the word ‘fuck’? But he is really, really very attractive looking! I kind of want to touch his lips…_ Eren shook his head, what was that thought? Eren is very straight and attracted to girls!

The man arched an eyebrow when he finished reading the note. _Oh he looks dangerously sexy… NO! Not gay! Think….. uh…. Grisha doing naked yoga!_ Eren nearly burst out laughing at the memory. That was the most horrendous thing he had ever seen in his life. He was glad that he could sneak away. No doubt there will be serious consequences if Grisha had found him snooping around staring at his naked ass.

“Why do I not believe you, Francis?” The man narrowed his eyes when he spotted Eren fidgeting. _Shit this man is observant and way too quick._ Eren was panicking and was thinking up more excuses to support his claim when the man grabbed his arm and dragged him away.

 _NOOOOOOOOO… I’m being dragged away by the scary dragon. Where is my knight when I need him. Oh wait, Mikasa is sick in bed. WAIT A MINUTE WHY AM I THE DAMNSEL IN DISTRESS! You stupid brain why do you envision me in a feminine role. I need to stop talking to Sasha and Connie and Jean and the gang!_ Eren couldn’t help but remember the numerous teasing of his friends. It can’t be helped that he is thin and isn’t particularly muscular. Hell, he looks like his mom, WHO IS A FEMALE BY THE WAY. Eren felt like hitting his head on the wall. Again. That makes two. Maybe the third one is the charm…

While contemplating, Eren tripped over a non-existing stone and would have fallen flat on his face had the man not yanked him back on his feet. The break neck pace that the man was forcing Eren to walk (run actually) in was starting to tire him and he was slightly panting in attempts to keep up with him. They soon reached the entrance of the gallery and the man opened the heavy door and shoved Eren out.

…

 _Wait what? Hold on. HOLD ON! Who on earth would find an intruder and then lead him to the exit and shove him away. What is going on? Did I hit my head or something?_ Eren looked around in shock.

“I hope that I will never see your face around here again. If I do, I will make sure to rip your face off. Now scram! And tell that friend of yours to leave as well!” The man hissed at Eren and closed the door with a loud slam.

Eren was officially confused. What happened? The man went from interrogating him to letting him go in a matter of minutes! Eren, for once in his life, was stunned. It was extremely rare that his brain did not go into a hyper active imagination of some ridiculous situation. He was always thinking to himself, fidgeting and doing stuff to keep his mind occupied. There are times when he would get extremely active with his middle fingers and Mikasa always said that his face is too expressive, whatever that means.

Eren walked towards Armin’s car before realising two things. 1) He did not get the painting. 2) He still had that man’s pen. Eren could feel a headache coming. It would take a while to explain it to Armin and would take years to explain it to Mikasa as she would want a step by step detailed recount of the operation. Not to mention, Eren would probably be dead before Mikasa will allow him to do things by himself, especially after this incident. Oh damn. To make things even worse, the mysterious man did not give Eren his name. _Oh well, he knows my name is Francis, so I guess we’re even. And why did I want his name for in the first place? Stupid brain._

Eren spotted Armin’s (It was Mikasa’s to be exact) car and stepped into it. One look at Eren’s crestfallen face and Armin knew that the operation was a failure. It was actually not unexpected, Eren is not bad, it’s just that Mikasa is always around to make sure that Eren performs to his best. Also, Carla’s last painting is the most expensive and most well-known among her art works. The news of the theft of her other art works would definitely have reached the ears of the collectors. This one would have had much stronger security seeing as it was the last of Carla’s works.

Armin quietly drove away. It doesn’t really matter really, as long as the art piece is not destroyed, there will be a way to get it sooner or later. For now, they needed to wait till Mikasa is fully recovered and to hatch another plan. The painting will be moved to a new location tomorrow and they will need more time to scrutinise the new place.

Eren was silent during the drive. There was no question in his mind that he had just met a weird man.

________________________________________________________________________________________

**Back at the Gallery…**

Levi kicked the table, hard. That Francis boy… That shitty brat with fucking gorgeous eyes and that pouty full lips that he wanted to kiss so badly… Levi kicked the table again. SHIT! His mood went from bad, to worse. It was supposed to be smooth sailing. THE GRIM! Comes in, and they arrest him. Simple and easy and everyone can go back to sleep. Then some kid comes in and ruin everything! All the hard work put into tonight’s preparation had gone to waste. THE GRIM! Would never come now that there are disturbances in the gallery! Levi wasn’t sure if he wanted to strangle or kiss that brat. Levi raised his foot to kick the table once more.

“I’m pretty sure the table did not offend you!” A loud booming voice shouted across the hall to him. Levi’s fingers are itching to wrap around someone’s neck. Of all people, Hange had to be the person to come to him now. A low chuckle was heard and Levi had to roll his eyes. Oh great, Erwin had to come and mock him too. Tonight had to be the luckiest day in his career. Every single plan went down the drain. How can a simple arrest be ruined so badly?

 

 

The song name is How could this happen to me by Simple Plan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read and Review! (*w*)


	2. The most infuriating couple on the planet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Levi hates people who talk too much. Eren is mute. Therefore they are a match." - Hange
> 
> Eren and Levi met under the weirdest circumstances. Being an art thief and a detective is definitely not the best introduction to a relationship, but mama Hange said "look at all the fucks I give." There is a disillusional parent, a bunch of busybodies, an infuriating couple, oh and throw in the other characters that ship Levi/Eren and we will have the greatest love story ever!  
> ...  
> After Romeo and Juliet... and Pride and Prejudice... and Titanic... and... (too many to name)  
> -_-  
> Oh damn, but it's still a better love story than Twilight. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All characters belong to their respective owners.  
> The plot is mine.  
> I am a panda.
> 
> Notes:  
> Personal Thoughts in first person narrative, or what Eren is thinking of.  
> ~Eren writing stuff.~  
> “Various people speaking.”  
> (Author's notes, or whatever I want to write)

Hmmm, I think I will post a chapter every Sunday, as it seems to be the most convenient time for me. I'm not exactly sure what time zone this site operates on, so I can't give the exact timing, but it should be Sunday for most people as well. 

This chapters gives more background to the story and might be a little boring, but it is necessary to explain details. Levi is slightly OOC, because he likes to throw things at people. He is kinda inspired by my mother, to be very honest. She throws anything she can grab on when she is mad. I swear I'm like a ninja or something with my dodging abilities. LOL. This is unbeta-ed as usual. :)

On with the chapter!

 

Chapter 2: The most infuriating couple on the planet

“Alrighty! Spill! What happened? How did humanity’s strongest detective fail to capture his prey?” Hange basically shouted into Levi’s ear. If Erwin wasn’t right next to her, Levi would have punched her in the face. As of now, he just scowled and swallowed his anger. He would need ex-commander Erwin’s help to nab this art thief. Unfortunately, the current commander is the ever annoying shitty four eyes Hange. Oh what joy! “Like you didn’t see the whole thing happening live from the cameras.” Levi retorted. Hange and Erwin just looked at him and snickered.

Levi dug his nails into the flesh of his palm. He really feel the urge to strangle something. “Why did you let the kid go then? Maybe he IS THE GRIM!” Hange frowned. It was unlike Levi to let someone go with no consequence. She had seen what he did to the poor delivery boy that stepped on his porch. The same porch Levi cleaned 2 seconds ago. She hoped that boy recovered from that.

“Are you stupid or did you finally go blind? Did you see that kid? He is just a fucking kid, 15 maybe 16 tops. How on earth is he able to go on a 20 year theft campaign? He wasn’t even fucking born!” Levi dug his nails further in. At this rate, he is going to pierce his flesh using his own nails.

“He could be an accomplice. It was never clarified if THE GRIM! Was solo or a team effort. In the early days it could very well have been solo. But there have been instances where more than one person is seen raiding for Carla’s art paintings.” Erwin reasoned.

“Or the brat could be a vandaliser or some idiot who really wanted to win a dare. Hell he could even be a copycat for all we know. It is pretty well known that THE GRIM! Targets Carla’s paintings. He could be a fan for all we know, wanting to see the action. The grim – “Eren was cut off when Hange shouted, “THE GRIM! With caps and exclamation point. Levi, you have been chasing this guy since the beginning of your career. How could you not have known?”

Levi really feel like banging his head against a wall. Why is his boss such a shitty no brain lousy stupid shitty idiotic four-eyes? The name is nothing. It does not make or break a person. Their actions do. Hange did bring up a very good point though. Ever since Levi joined and took over the case of THE GRIM! There has been non-stop media exposure and late nights trying to figure out this maniac. It seems that this person is an avid collector of Carla’s paintings, but why? Levi strongly believes that if he finds out why, he will know who THE GRIM! Is. It has been ten years and this is the closest they have ever come to actually trying to capture THE GRIM! The police department actually managed to loan the painting for a while to set up a trap for the art thief. It is speculated that THE GRIM! Would attack tonight as the security is at its lowest right before relocation. And some shitty brat had to ruin it!

Levi came out of his musings to find Erwin and Hange whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears and flirting openly. Levi’s eye started twitching and he grabbed the nearest thing he could get a hold of (the notepad) and flung it at the disgusting couple. Under normal circumstances, he would have closed both eyes on such a public display of affection. Tonight however, he was in a shitty mood. Erwin easily dodged the notepad thrown towards him (not aimed at Hange) and he chuckled.

“Levi, I believe my instincts, as do Hange. I think that the boy is more than what meets the eye. You might want to track him down. I will get some people to try and locate the boy’s whereabouts. Hopefully he will turn up in our database.” Erwin told Levi. Levi was cute when he was pissed off, he looked like an extremely angry cat (panther) with his fur puffed up.

“No need for that. I know exactly where that kid is at now.” Levi snorted and stomped off, not without shouting back, “people don’t get to take my stuff and not return them!”

Hange and Erwin looked at each other in confusion. What stuff? But it doesn’t really matter. Hange saw the glint in Levi’s eyes when he thought of the kid. She knew that look very well, since her darling husband looks at her that way all the time. Now, if only she could find that boy again…

\----------------------------------------

**Back to Eren**

Eren tried to appear as little as possible when he recounted what happened at the gallery to Armin and Mikasa. Despite being ill, Mikasa still managed to look pretty terrifying, which was why Eren omitted the part where he was captured. He basically told them that he heard someone and ran out of the place. Armin was disappointed to that the operation was a failure. They had envisioned the day that they will be free from Grisha for many years. It was not tonight apparently. Mikasa however, was looking/glaring at Eren. Not because he failed to obtain the painting, but her gut feeling is that Eren is lying or omitting the truth. Eren has this way of not making eye contact and his ears will turn red when he lies, which is happening now. Mikasa knows that Eren would never willingly bring harm upon them, but she could not help but wonder what exactly Eren did in the gallery that made him so afraid to tell them. The trio have always been very close. Armin is the same age as Eren and he lived in the orphanage nearby. He was adopted by Grisha when he heard of the child’s circumstances. Armin’s parents died in a car accident and his grandfather had passed away, resulting in him being in an orphanage.

Grisha did not adopt Armin because he pitied him. He did it because Armin was extremely smart for his age, he would be useful in a different way compared to Eren and Mikasa. Sometimes Eren felt that he is worthless. Armin is extremely smart, Mikasa is always cool headed and is able to analyse and make judgement based on the situation. And then there is Eren, a feminine looking man who can’t really do anything. Oh wait he can do something, hide behind Mikasa. Eren can hold his own in a fight, but most of the time it would not be a fair fight and he would be at a disadvantage. Also, Eren isn’t the tallest person around and there are many who tower over him. The only person he could think off the top of his head that is shorter than him is that weird man at the gallery. Other than that, he is a shorty. Damn.

Eren looked around his room. It is pretty bare. A table, a lamp, a wardrobe and a bed. That is about it. Grisha forbid Eren to put more furniture in his room, or to repaint it into another colour. This room was Eren’s nursery room. It was still decorated in the sickening blue sky and white clouds wallpaper. _I wish that I can leave this place soon. I never felt that this is my home. Everything I do is controlled by him. Hell, even my voice is controlled by him. How many years has it been since I even heard myself talk?_

The only fortunate thing among the all the unfortunate happenings is that Grisha doesn’t forbid the use of the internet. It was cool since Eren could listen to music or watch TV shows when Grisha is not at home. The drawback to this was that the only computer is in the living room. Armin has his own laptop so there isn’t a problem. The problem lies with Mikasa. She hogs the computer all day. It was quite annoying as she is not using it for important stuff. (Lol Eren thinks music and TV shows are important.) Most of the time they fight over who to use the computer and of course Eren loses most of the time.

He could hear the tapping of the keyboards from him room. It was most likely Armin on the computer as Mikasa is still in bed and Grisha is out. How Armin can use a laptop, a computer, watch the television and talk at the same time is a mystery. Sometimes Eren swears that Armin can hack into the FBI using a freaking toaster. He would offer toast to the people working there and then proceed to copy confidential data into his thumb drive while the officers are enjoying the toast.

_Oh yea, I need to get that strawberry pudding of mine, before someone eats it. It is past midnight now and Grisha isn’t back yet. He has been out more frequently for longer periods of time. What is going on?_

_\---------------------------------------------_

**Mitras Police Station (in meeting)**

“As you can see, our cameras and lights were hacked into and momentarily switched off before the back-ups were activated. We had a blank spot for about 2 minutes. During this time, Francis came in and managed to hide himself. If Levi wasn’t already in position, we would have missed the boy. The boy is good at what he does, he might know of some information regard THE GRIM! On the other hand, the person who hacked into the system had not yet been identified, it is a very skilled hacker so we need to be more cautious than ever. “Hange reported from her position. The video footage from the heist was playing behind her on the screen.

Erwin shot Levi a victorious grin and Levi rolled his eyes. The explanation proves nothing. Levi stood by his assumption that the boy was some kind of a vandaliser or something. The only thing left to do is to find the boy. It doesn’t matter where the boy was, Levi would be able to find him. He wanted his pen back. That pen was custom made and has a GPS inside it. It was a gift from Hange as a joke but he is going to put it to good use now. All that’s left is to wait for the meeting to be over so that he can finally go and track down that boy. FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES. He needed to know that the boy is not related to THE GRIM! At all.

Now that he thought of it, the boy resembles someone. Levi frowned while thinking hard, he just can’t remember who that person was. Levi let out a huge groan and promptly stood up, interrupting Hange’s speech. Before Hange could even ask what was going on, Levi turned and stomped out. Erwin shrugged when Hange looked questioningly at him. Who knew what was going on in that guy’s head, half the time it was some random bullshit that no one understands. Just the other day, Levi was complaining about some food. Apparently he hates tacos, what the fuck. It is a nightmare to cook for the guy. He hates tomatoes, chicken wings, anything with dips (who the fuck hates nachos with cheese), anything with sauce and anything that is not healthy. It is lucky that Levi is a good cook, or else he would have died of starvation by now.

\---------------------------------------------------

**Levi's House**

Levi switched on his laptop and waited impatiently for it to load. On his way back from Mitras, (let’s call the police station that from now on) he was going through his head the list of people that resembled the boy. The kid’s eye colour is extremely unique and Levi swore that he had seen it on someone else before. He was so deep in thought that he nearly ran over his neighbour’s cat that was in the middle of the road. He wouldn’t be sad to see that thing go. That little devil’s spawn messes up his yard and defecates everywhere. To make matters worse, the neighbours didn’t even apologise or offer to clean up the mess when he went to complain. The thought of the cat made him regret his decision to let it live. The next time he sees it on the road, he won’t hesitate to mow over it. (Fear not, Eren will change his mind about pets (>w<))

Levi shook his head in an attempt to get rid on unpleasant thoughts. His purpose now is to find out about the boy. Since the kid looks to be around 15, he is probably not in any database in the system so the police are fucking useless. The laptop let out a miniature beep to signify that the location of the pen is found. Levi grabbed a pen and pad to scribble down the address. He then frowned at it. The address is located in the Shinganshima district, one of the more notorious places in the area. The people living there are not poor, but could use some extra cash. Crime rates in the area are quite high, not as high as some other areas, but enough to garner the attention of the higher ups.

Levi resisted his urge to slam his laptop. He had just replaced it recently as he threw the last one at Erwin (he dodged it unfortunately) and it broke. He didn’t want to purchase another one so quickly. However, Levi was pissed at the mere thought of the boy. Who cares if the boy lives in a dangerous district or not? All he had to do was to pop in and see who the boy was and get out of there.

With that thought in mind, Levi stood up and grabbed his coat. He just reached his front door when the door abruptly slammed open, and the last person he wanted to see walked into his living room.

“Where do you think you are going at this time of the night?” Hange eyed the coat on Levi’s arm. Levi narrowed his eyes in fury. “Don’t forget that from … today onwards, since it is after midnight, that you are no longer Levi Ackerman but known as Rivaille, the collector of exotic art pieces and an avid admirer of Carla Yeager’s art pieces. “

Levi nearly rolled his eyes at Hange’s statement. Levi and Rivaille are practically the same, except spelt differently. Say it ten times fast and you get the same results. He regretted the day he was coerced into agreeing to do this stupid mission. He was supposed to be some rich art collector who bought the art piece, lying in wait to bait THE GRIM! It is a big issue in the art industry, and the police made every effort to spread the news. Any person with slight knowledge of the art industry would know that Rivaille is the owner of The Little Boy now. (That is the name of the art piece.)

 It was Erwin’s idea to lie in wait tonight (or rather the previous day as it is after midnight) as a precaution. When moving art pieces, the security is generally less strict due to multiple reasons such as removing the security measures placed on the art piece.

It was a definite pain in the ass job and Levi could not wait to get it over and done with. Not only would he be able to capture the evasive thief, he could also go for a full expense paid vacation (courtesy of the commander) promised at the end of the mission. Levi couldn’t wait to get away from these obnoxious busybodies. Levi also regretted giving Hange a spare key to his house. He could feel a massive headache coming, he had never regretted so many things in such a quick succession in his life.

“Come on! You need the sleep! Trust me, you will miss your bed soooo much. I remember going on my honey moon and I couldn’t sleep in the lumpy mattress at the hotel! It was sooooo uncomfortable!” Hange whined as Levi snorted out loud. “Please, like any fucking moron didn’t know that you two are too busy fucking each other to sleep. Don’t give me some bullshit excuse to feel pity for you.”

Hange huffed and decided that it was much faster to force Levi into bed than to persuade him to sleep. Levi can be such a big baby sometimes, needing her to tuck him in. Well, mama Hange is in the house!

Levi was forcibly dragged and tucked into his bed. No matter how much he scowled or protested, he was pinned Hange. Levi sometimes wished that Erwin would be more jealous of their relationship, there are weeks when all Hange does is to tuck Levi in and sleep next to him. Knowing Erwin, he would just laugh it off and tell him to be nice to Hange. It is a wonder that Erwin’s balls don’t fall off from the lack of sex in their life. Or maybe he jerks himself off alone in his bed. Levi shuddered at the thought and reminded himself to never shake Erwin’s hand until it is sanitised.

Levi had no choice but to sleep. It was indeed going to be a long day. Before surrendering to his dreams, Levi swore he saw the person that reminded him of the Francis boy, but he was too tired to think about it. And so he sleeps, like a eucalyptus tree with a fucking koala bear hanging on to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read and Review! (*w*)


	3. The most questionable meeting place on the planet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Levi hates people who talk too much. Eren is mute. Therefore they are a match." - Hange
> 
> Eren and Levi met under the weirdest circumstances. Being an art thief and a detective is definitely not the best introduction to a relationship, but mama Hange said "look at all the fucks I give." There is a disillusional parent, a bunch of busybodies, an infuriating couple, oh and throw in the other characters that ship Levi/Eren and we will have the greatest love story ever!  
> ...  
> After Romeo and Juliet... and Pride and Prejudice... and Titanic... and... (too many to name)  
> -_-  
> Oh damn, but it's still a better love story than Twilight. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All characters belong to their respective owners.  
> The plot is mine.  
> I am a panda.
> 
> Notes:  
> Personal Thoughts in first person narrative, or what Eren is thinking of.  
> ~Eren writing stuff.~  
> “Various people speaking.”  
> (Author's notes, or whatever I want to write)

Hi I am back! This chapter is a little weird. It is sort of like a transition between the last chapter and the next one. I promise the next one will be funnier, this chapter was a bit... stupid. HAHAHA. I really have no idea what I was writing half the time and when I re-read it, I laugh at the randomness of it.

BTW, Google Ouerbacker Mansion for the image of the mansion I have in mind. It was built in the 1800s. It is kind of creepy looking, extremely run down, and right in the middle of a not so good area with high crime rates. Apparently it was sold for $1. Perfect for the story. :)

I did some minor edits to previous chapters, just some spelling/phrasing and presentation changes. Not that much of a difference. I probably still missed some mistakes and as usual, this is not beta-ed.

Alright, here is the next chapter! :)

 

 

Chapter 3: The most questionable meeting place on the planet

** Outside Maria Mansion **

Levi stood before the mansion, and he felt like screaming. The reason? Because it is a FUCKING MANSION. Levi had envisioned something like a suite styled apartment building, because who knows what the fuck people call the apartment nowadays. Bungalows? Terrace houses? Anyways, this is not only a really big mansion, it is extremely run down too. Levi’s skin crawled as he envision the amount of filth inside that house that was abandoned for more than 20 years.

Levi ignored the state of the front yard, overgrown grass and weeds were everywhere. It was just sad to see such a grand mansion be abandoned and deteriorated till this state. Levi was almost afraid of entering the house. The amount of decay inside must be horrendous. There will also be rodents, bugs and all the dust everywhere.

Levi knew it was a mistake to let Hange handle the living arrangement. When he first heard of the mansion, he thought it was an apartment, which was in the budget of the police. However, a full fucking mansion is not in the budget. Levi really wanted to open up Hange’s brain to see what was inside. There was no way that anyone can afford this building.

BEEPBEEP

Levi jumped a little at the sudden horn. He turned and saw the most miserable person on Earth stepping out of a car. “The fuck is this? Where on Earth did you get this mansion? It must have costed a lot. Do you even have the budget for this?” Levi immediately went into questioning mode when Hange drew closer.

Hange just smiled and handed Levi a dollar. “That is what I paid for this mansion.” Hange giggled at the astonished expression. The giggle turned into a full laughter when Levi’s expression changed into horror. For someone to actually sell a mansion for a dollar. Levi did not even want to step into the building. It must have been beyond repair, to be sold that cheaply.

“Remember, you inherited this mansion from your second uncle who passed away without an heir. You decided to live in it because you wanted a building all by yourself.” Hange nagged. She wasn’t really worried about Levi being undercover, he was one of the best in her squad. The problem with him is his obsession with cleanliness, and the fact that the mansion is on the edge of the district. Just a stone throw’s away is Shiganshina district, with a notable number of criminals. Hange wondered if the citizens of Shiganshina would survive Levi’s wrath if anyone was stupid enough to break into the mansion or even worse, vandalise it.

Hange knew that the place was uninhabitable and is often used as a hideout for the criminals in Shiganshima. Not only was she sure that the mansion will be in proper working order (this is Levi we are talking about, come on.) but they can remove one hideout from the criminals. It was worth seeing Levi raging and cursing under his breath. Funny too.

Levi decided to ignore Hange, as he was sure he would strangle her if he paid any more attention to her. He was trying to call a freaking house repair man, if there is one that can rescue this poor excuse of a mansion. How was he going to convince others that he is some really rich guy if he lives in such a rundown place? Levi regretted not kicking Hange out of bed (literally) when he woke up. Next time he will remember to do it. If she breaks her arm or something, serves her right.

The only good thing to come out of living in this place is that he can go visit that Francis boy. It was probably a 10 minutes’ walk way. Levi has the habit of jogging in the morning, so he will be sure to check out where the boy lived.

Levi spotted something moving out of the corner of his eye. There was a hole in the fence that allowed him to see that it was actually a person. A very familiar person. Levi broke into a grin and walked towards the fence.

Hange was a bit taken back by Levi’s sudden change of mood. One second he was angry, the other second he was happy? But this kind of grin isn’t true happiness, it is more of happy-because-aha-I-got-you kind of smile reserved for criminals caught. A glance towards the fence Levi was stalking towards held the answer to his mood sign. Oh, this is going to be fun. Hange ran to her car to grab a small packet of marshmallows. She would definitely enjoy the incoming drama despite the lack of popcorn.

\-------

** 30 min ago at the Yeager Household **

Armin sat on the floor, typing furiously and making a racket. The typing had a slight rhythm to it and Eren was just sitting on the sofa waiting expectantly. Armin was trying to get a blueprint of the Maria Mansion. It was almost comical that the last art piece would be located so close to them in the gallery. Now, it would be moved even closer to them. Eren wasn’t sure if it was a coincidence, or just luck.

There was a period of time when the trio had to travel all over the world to steal Carla’s paintings. It was a very hectic life and they had to transfer school multiple times. It was only recently that they came back to this house where it all started. The trio were mostly self-taught outside of class. Armin was the smartest and often helped Eren with things he did not understand. They had perhaps 5 years of actual education in school since they were always on the move.

Grisha trained the trio to excel in the art of thieving. He wasn’t a patient man, nor was he a kind one. He would smack them around if they don’t get it right the first or second time he taught them. Armin was able to memorise the information quickly and Mikasa was able to understand and apply the things learnt quickly. Eren had to make do with the little intellect he have and try to remain invisible. No matter what he did, he was a disappointment in Grisha’s eyes.

Eren gently prodded the bruise on his wrist. When Grisha came back late in the night and realised that the operation was a failure, he went into Eren’s room and dragged him into the closet. Grisha gripped his wrist so tightly that there was a red-purplish bruise when he was released out of the prison in the morning.

Mikasa frowned and stopped Eren from touching the bruise. “Don’t rub it, it will make it worse. Just apply the ointment, the bruise will fade in a day or so.” The moment Mikasa finished, Armin threw his hands up in a groan. Eren and Mikasa both turned to Armin, who was scowling at whatever is on the screen of his laptop.

“This is impossible. The only thing I can find is a map of the mansion and the area that it occupies, which is totally useless as we can see it using a binoculars from our backyard. Also, that thing had been abandoned for 20 years and we have been in it and seen its state. Anywhere above the first storey has collapsed and the staircase has been eroded. I am very sure that the current inhabitant will renovate it. So we know nothing about the place at all.” Armin complained. It would be suicide to go in blind to rob the house. However, there was no way that they could sneak in to know the place.

For one, there would be renovations that make it impossible to sneak in, and there will definitely be security as the owner of the mansion is very rich. It would be a pain in the ass to try to locate the painting. Armin and Eren went into a mini argument on whether the painting moving to the mansion was a good or bad thing. Mikasa glared at both of them and ended the argument. “The problem now is that we have no idea what to do about this. We were not expecting to fail the retrieval yesterday. And stop looking so glum it’s not your fault. It was pretty rushed as the painting was sold really fast. We only had 3 weeks to come up with a plan and everything.” Eren still looked apologetic and Mikasa couldn’t help but hug him. He looks so cute when he is pouting.

_I need to make up for my mistake. We could have been free by now and it is all my fault. I need to find a way to get to know the interior of the mansion, the location of the art piece and the habits of the owner. But how?_ Armin and Mikasa nearly rolled their eyes when they saw the determined glint in Eren’s eyes. He can be stubborn to fault and there was nothing they could do to stop him, the tenacious brat.

It was Eren’s brilliantly stupid idea to see if the owner needed help with the mansion. The boys in their neighbourhood have part time jobs of mowing lawns for the neighbours. It would be a stretch to call the owner a neighbour, but it was definite that the poor owner will need all the help he can get.

\-------------------------

** Outside Maria Mansion (Again) **

As such, the trio are now near the fence that surrounds the mansion. There was a man and a spectacled woman standing on the yard. Eren accidentally stepped into a shrub full of poison ivy and his skin itched like mad. He crawled at his skin and was backing away from the evil plant.

Mikasa grabbed Eren and tried to make him still so she could access the severity. Armin was rattling off about the properties of poison ivy and Eren wanted to cut his hand off to stop the itching. It wasn’t until a particularly loud “ahem” led them to remember where they actually were.

Eren looked up and he saw the mysterious man from the gallery. His first instinct was to lash out at the man, as it was his fault that he failed the operation. The next instinct was to run as he saw that the man had recognised him.

_Oh man where is a shovel when you need one? I want to dig a hole to hide in. This is the worst situation to be in. If the man even mentions the gallery, I am so dead._

Eren was panicking on the inside and with the itching from the poison ivy, he was fidgeting so much that he looked like a vibrating energizer bunny. Levi was worried for a second that the boy was high on drugs or something because he was moving around too much. However, he was pissed off that he felt that way and he glared at the boy.

“Brat, what the fuck are you doing here? Another dare with your friends to come and vandalise my house?” Levi snarled at Eren. Eren was not sure if it was lucky that Levi didn’t mention the gallery and the name Francis, or if it was unlucky that the man even mentioned his lie at all.

_Curses! Of all people the rich guy had to be this man standing in front of me. Wait, this man is the rich guy that bought mum’s painting… what was his name? I know it starts with a ‘R’ or ‘L’…_

_Ri…._

_Revolting?_

_Nah that’s stupid_

_Ri… Wait is it even Ri? It could be Ra for all I know…_

_Ra…_

_Raymond? Ranold? What is his name!?!?!_

_I remember he was French or something like that… so…_

Eren took out his notepad and scribbled furiously on it. ~Mr Retardando, sorry to bother you, we will be on our way. ~

Levi glanced down to see what Eren had wrote. Mikasa and Armin curiously peeked over his shoulder as well. Armin had to bite his lip to prevent himself from laughing to death. Mikasa let out a huge groan in exasperation. Only Eren will screw up somebody’s name till it is not even close to what it was. Even Starbucks employees are better at names than Eren.

“Brat. What the fuck is retardando?” Is it supposed to be ritardando? The ITALIAN term for slowing down? What are you trying to imply here, that I am retarded and slow witted?” Levi’s voice was low and extremely dangerous. Mikasa instinctively stepped forward to shield her brother. She knew that this man in front of her, no matter how miniature he seems, is someone that you should never piss off.

Eren gaped in horror. That was not his intention. Oh shit, now that he looked at the paper, he couldn’t believe that he misspelt it so badly. He thought of the first French sounding term that sounds like a name. It was not meant to be an insult!

Levi physically stepped back when he saw the apologetic expression that Eren was making. Eren had tears in his eyes and he had the most adorable pout. Levi could almost envision Eren as a puppy with his ears flat against his head in shame. It was… very cute.

Levi almost patted Eren’s head when he heard a loathsome laugh behind him. Hange was choking on air because she couldn’t breathe from too much laughing. Levi’s hand had actually risen subconsciously above Eren before he realised it and Eren immediately flinched and took a step back, while raising his arms slightly in self-defence.

Levi froze and he was extremely confused, what was that reaction? Did Eren think that he was going to hit him? Levi saw the rashes on Eren’s arms and concluded that Eren was infected by poison ivy, which explains the restlessness.

What doesn’t make sense was the huge bruise on his wrist that looked like someone grabbed him too hard. Levi suddenly felt guilty, he had grabbed the boy pretty roughly the day before. It must have hurt a lot for it to bruise so badly.

And of course that hyena is still going on in the background. Is it really that funny? Levi wanted to throw Hange into poison ivy to see if it would cure her from being vexing.

Eren looked up shyly and saw that the French guy was glaring at the lady who was laughing. Without much thought, he ran back home. Mikasa and Armin were quick to follow.

Hange was sputtering as she was laughing and trying to tell Levi that his prey had gotten away. “What the fuck woman, you sound like a dying duck-hyena hybrid. Stop laughing!” Hange gestured frantically at the direction that the trio ran off to. Levi turned and realised that they were already gone.

“So… hehe Retardando eh? “ Hange snickered while poking Levi’s cheek teasingly. Levi decided that since his day was so shitty, that he didn’t care anymore and aimed a kick in Hange’s direction. That was unfortunately dodged and Hange made fun of him again. This quickly escalated into a game of catching (and kicking the person who got caught) in the yard.

It is a going to be a very, very long day.

 

\----

Yea I had a long day too. :) Hope you all have a much less shitter day than I did. I swear my internet is trolling me today. =_=

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read and Review! (*w*)


	4. The greatest sin on the planet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Levi hates people who talk too much. Eren is mute. Therefore they are a match." - Hange
> 
> Eren and Levi met under the weirdest circumstances. Being an art thief and a detective is definitely not the best introduction to a relationship, but mama Hange said "look at all the fucks I give." There is a disillusional parent, a bunch of busybodies, an infuriating couple, oh and throw in the other characters that ship Levi/Eren and we will have the greatest love story ever!  
> ...  
> After Romeo and Juliet... and Pride and Prejudice... and Titanic... and... (too many to name)  
> -_-  
> Oh damn, but it's still a better love story than Twilight. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All characters belong to their respective owners.  
> The plot is mine.  
> I am a panda.
> 
> Notes:  
> Personal Thoughts in first person narrative, or what Eren is thinking of.  
> ~Eren writing stuff.~  
> “Various people speaking.”  
> (Author's notes, or whatever I want to write)

Alright, this is the start of the relationship. I don't know why I wrote Eren to be a pig, but it made sense. After all, Levi can cook for him. :)

Get ready the popcorn and let's go! Please leave a review and forgive the mistakes if you find any. This story is unbeta-ed.

 

Chapter 4: The greatest sin on the planet

** One Week Later, Maria Mansion, Levi POV **

Levi sat at the living room of his new house, mansion, whatever it is called. He sat alone with a cup of coffee in hand. The living room was… habitable, but could be improved. He was annoyed at the progress of the carpenters, plumbers, whatever they are called. They had estimated that it would definitely take less than a week to finish with the water pipes, electric wires and the first floor.

However, due to the collapsed stairway and part of the house in the upper level, it would take significantly more time than a week to complete the renovation. Levi rubbed his head, he needed more coffee. The kitchen was perfect, since he insisted that the workers worked on it first. After all, food not prepared by Levi-sama is inedible.

The house aside, Levi was troubled by another thing. It had everything to do with that Francis brat. The moving and handling of the renovators took all of Levi’s energy. Today, the last of his furniture will be delivered from his apartment. It was previously impossible to bring them over due to the wrecked state of the mansion.

All Levi wanted to do was to get his bed to this shithole and go to sleep. He had been up for a few nights in a row, making sure that the workers did the renovation exactly the way he wanted. It was lucky that Hange had been there to negate the potential crossfire between Levi and the head worker. All that is left is the second storey and the fucking stairs and all is well. Levi had wondered where the money to repair the mansion is coming from. However, knowing Hange, he thought it would be a waste of his energy to even ask her.

The problem with the brat…

Levi sighed loudly and put down his cup. He tried really hard to ignore the mop of brown hair bouncing up and down in his yard while operating the gigantic and ridiculously old lawnmower the brat dragged from his house. Levi really feel like kicking the ancient artefact to the point it is unusable. The amount of noise pollution that thing can produce on its own is incredible. It sounded like a huge ass train on a track. Every other second it made a sputtering sound and had to be nudged to keep it moving.

To Levi’s absolute surprise, the brat had shown up the next day, apologising and wanting to make amends for his insult and the break in at the gallery. Levi wanted nothing to do with the brat, but his puppy eyes were hard to resist. As such, Levi reluctantly hired the boy as a lawnmower, with no payment, since it was supposed to be a punishment. After all, the mansion needs all the help it can get. If the help is free, why not?

The brat had shown up just before Levi started on his first cup of coffee. It wasn’t until his third cup that Levi realised the racket was not made by the workers. The fucking prehistoric thing shouldn’t even be working, judging by the amount of fumes it spat out. It must be hell, working under the hot sun and working with a primitive object that is emitting waves of hot and black smoke. Levi wondered for a second if anyone would mistake that his backyard was on fire and call the fire department.

Levi rubbed his eyes and yawned. He really need some sleep. Levi just happened to glance over at the backyard when the scene before his eyes made him freeze. His mouth hang open from the yawn just now.

The fucking brat was naked in his backyard! Holy fuck!

No. The kid was only half naked. The smoke was affecting his eye sight. The boy had on skin coloured jeans so it looks as if he just stripped. His shirt was off and Levi was truly drawn to the boy. It was hard not to swallow when he saw a drop of perspiration drip down his chest. And that was some fine chest. OH MAMA…

Levi had to force his mouth to close or he would be drooling all over the kitchen counter. The boy was really tan and healthy looking. He wanted to touch those abs so badly…

Wait, what the fuck. Erwin is the epitome of Captain fucking America and not once was Levi even tempted to grab that fat ass. I mean, Erwin had better abs than the boy… Levi felt like slapping himself. When the fuck did he even noticed Erwin’s ass or abs?

Levi reminded himself that he was not attracted to males and took a deep breath to calm himself. He opened his eyes to see the most infuriating person walking into the kitchen. The boy had thrown a bottle of water over his head to cool himself at some point during his internal dilemma. The boy had never looked so fucking edible.

Levi tracked the movements of the boy with his eyes. It was a mistake since they nearly bulged out of his eyes sockets when the boy reached up to grab something from the shelves. His pants hugged his butt so tightly it was like they were covered in spandex. Before Levi realised his movements, he had reached over and grabbed the boy’s ass.

\-------------------------

** Eren POV **

_OH SHIT IS HE GRABBING MY ASS?_

Eren froze when he felt a palm on his ass. He wanted to slap the guy’s hand away, but was afraid that he would offend him further. It took quite some effort to persuade Mr Rivaille to let him use the kitchen and toilet to wash up after he was done. The front and backyard of mansion is humongous and it took him two trips to finish up the job. He had just finished mowing the backyard.

“Oh sorry. There was some soot on your… butt.” The man quickly removed his hand before stepping back. Eren looked at the man nervously, he wouldn’t be some kind of pervert would he? “Would you like some coffee? I just made a pot.” The man waved over to the coffee machine and Eren wrinkled his nose. He wasn’t really a tea or coffee fan. He was more of a coke fan. HELL YEA. ALL THE LUNCH OFFERS THAT SERVE FREE FLOW OF COKE!!!

Eren’s stomach decided to say hi since it was bored and let out a loud rumble. Eren blushed immediately and tried to avoid looking at the man. He had forgotten to eat his breakfast while running over to the mansion. He rummaged through his backpack to find a soggy and floppy pancake that Mikasa made for him. Eren took one bite and grimaced. Mikasa put too much batter, thus the pancake was too doughy and not cooked enough. On top of everything, it was mushy and no longer crispy. His stomach protested, I WANT FOOOOOOOOD!

_Shut up stupid stomach. Oh man he probably thinks that I am some starved caveman or something. This is so embarrassing._

_HE IS LOOKING AT ME._

_Nonononono, don’t look at me please._

Eren glanced up to see the man looking at him with an indescribable expression on his face. For a second Eren thought that he was some rat being glared at by a cat. It was … terrifying.

“Do you still want to eat that? Or do you want me to cook you something?” The man asked.

\------------------------

** Levi POV **

Levi swore that the boy shined at the mention of him cooking food. Levi could imagine a tail vibrating in excitement at the mere mention of food. That gross floppy thing must have been disgusting judging by his expression.

Levi had almost laughed at the look of absolute humiliation on the boy’s face when his stomach growled. It was almost like some kind of wild beast living inside the boy. It was funny to see him flapping around trying to find food to satisfy the beast. Levi kept a calm exterior but he was laughing so hard on the inside. The boy has like a million expressions on his face and he doesn’t need to speak for people to understand him. He was that open.

Right now, the boy was bouncing on his feet and was staring at the bacon he was frying in the pan. Levi flipped the pan to flip them over and if the boy’s eyes could flip over too, the eyes would have done it. It was kind of cute.

Levi was a bit horrified for touching the boy’s butt. It was really not on purpose. His hand just moved and the next thing he knew, his hand was on the butt. He had no explanation for it and had to fumble for an excuse. Luckily the boy had been quickly distracted.

Levi put the hotdog and eggs into the pan as well. The boy actually leaned over to sniff at the aroma. He was really behaving like a dog. He had thrown away the pathetic looking piece of flop and was waiting impatiently for someone to feed him.

The moment the plate containing breakfast touched the table, the boy dug in. Levi would have thrown an entire pack of wet tissues at someone with such horrendous eating habits, but he couldn’t help but smile at the boy. Levi had just taken a sip of his coffee when he choked on it, hard.

The boy had just bitten down on his hotdog and Levi’s thing was really interested all of a sudden. It was like in slow motion when the boy opened his mouth and closed it over the hot dog and bit it off. Levi thinks his thing might be a fucking masochist, well actually anyone who thinks that eating hotdog and bananas are attractive is a masochist. THEY ARE BITING IT OFF! HOW THE FUCK IS THAT AROUSING?

And…. Was he moaning? Holy fuck HE IS FUCKING MOANING. The boy actually enjoyed the food so much that he was moaning.

While adjusting his sudden bulge, Levi had an epiphany. It was a thought so horrific that he was stunned. The boy was young, incredibly young looking. He looks to be around 15, maybe 16 years old. Levi has met enough youngsters to know that most teenagers nowadays look fucking older than they actually are. So this boy is actually… 13, 14?

FUCK.

Levi would take being gay over being a pedophile any day. BUT HE IS ATTRACTED TO A TEENAGE BOY! Levi recited the alphabet of swearing and decided that he needs to stop this before the feeling gets too far. Levi just opened his mouth to see that the boy had finished and was holding up his plate for seconds. The boy had this really, really adorable head tilt that made him look even younger.

Levi needed to talk to the master of relationships, although technically she only had one relationship. This is getting out of hand. Levi excused himself to go to the bedroom to make an emergency phone call to Hange.

\----------------------

** Eren POV **

_OH MY GOD. I would marry this guy for the food he makes. It’s just bacon, hotdogs and eggs, how come it tastes like shit when I cook it?_

Eren continued eating after the man left the kitchen. He was known to be the gluttonous… bamboo. No matter what he eats, the calories just melts off and he remains slim and fit. Mikasa was always complaining about how Eren could bankrupt the family just by eating.

_Foo-oo-oo-ood ~_ _♪_

_Can bring you to a good mood ~_ _♫_

_All you need is food ~_ _♪_

Eren couldn’t help but sing. He was so amazed at the man’s cooking abilities. He needed to learn the secret. At the thought of cooking, Eren suddenly deflated like a balloon. He could clearly remember the last time he was allowed to touch the stove. It was shortly before the sprinkler activated as he had forgotten to remove the kettle from the fire. The kettle had charred on the inside and was totally unusable. Soon after, there was a ban from the kitchen. For the safety of the family.

_Huh, maybe I can enquire on cooking techniques, after all Mr Rivaille doesn’t know about my atrocious cooking skills. Well, a non-existent cooking ability._

Eren’s phone beeped and he had to fish it out of his bag. It was from Mikasa asking him about the progress of the operation.

_SHIT. I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING… Ummmm… Where is the painting?_

Eren was still chewing on the amazing breakfast when he stepped into the living room. In an instant, all eyes turned to him. The workers and contractors were all gathered in the living room for a briefing. The sudden appearance of a young delectable, half naked man attracted quite some attention. Eren had never been called observant and he tends to forget things. It never occurred to him that the men were staring at his smooth abs, nor did he remember to put on a shirt. The men were also looking at the tiny bit of hotdog sticking out of his mouth. None of that mattered as Eren had spotted what looks like a blueprint for the mansion.

Eren walked over to the men, unabashed by his appearance since he had long forgotten that he was naked from pants up. One of the workers actually noticed Eren’s interest in the blueprint and explained it to him. How nice.

Of course this was absolutely noticed by a raging green-eyed dragon who went from one nightmare to another.

 

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The song is called “The food song” by Rae Patalinghug. This is the link to the youtube video. She wrote the song herself! [CLICK HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lQCbaIK2PI)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read and Review! (*w*)

**Author's Note:**

> Read and Review! (*w*)


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